I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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