you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
