We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
