Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
