In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
