I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
