Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
