Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
