just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
