Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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