thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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