oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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