She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
