You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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