I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
