I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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