i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
