he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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