I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
