i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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