Welp...herpes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
