At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
