I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
