3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
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I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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