I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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