He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
