you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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