The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
