Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
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You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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