i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
