Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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