my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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