We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
