My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
