I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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