I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
