So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
