Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
