i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I will pee on everything he values.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
