What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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