you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We are two peas in an std pod
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
