everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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