I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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