Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
