Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
