I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
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I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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