Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
