if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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