Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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