question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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