Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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