do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
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The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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