mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
