I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
