just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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