Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
