My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
