Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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