Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
