i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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